A parent's guide recognizing and addressing your child's social media struggles

Social media is stitched into the fabric of daily life for kids today. It’s where they laugh, learn, get inspired – and sometimes, quietly struggle. For parents, it can feel impossible to keep up, let alone know how it’s really affecting their child’s mental health.

The truth? Social media isn’t all bad. But it can play a powerful role in shaping how kids see themselves, their bodies, and their place in the world. That’s why understanding its impact and knowing what to look for is key to helping your child build a healthier relationship with it.

We spoke with Annie Deming, PhD, a child psychologist and mom of three, to dig deeper into what social media is doing to kids’ mental health – and what parents can do to help.

Watch for changes

Dr. Deming sees it all the time: teens grappling with anxiety and depression, made worse by constant comparison online.

“A lot of it ties back to self-esteem,” she explains. “When kids see influencers or peers who seem perfect, they start to feel like they don’t measure up. That can really feed into depression and anxiety.”

The tricky part? Many of the signs can look like “normal” teenage stuff. So how can you tell when social media is taking a toll?

Here’s what Dr. Deming recommends watching for:

• Changes in mood: Is your child more irritable, sensitive, or withdrawn than usual?
• Loss of interest: Have they pulled away from activities they used to enjoy?
• Increased screen time: Are they constantly glued to their device, especially in isolation?
• Negative self-talk: Are they saying things like “I wish I looked like her” or “I need to lose weight”?
• Drastic behavior shifts: Has your child suddenly changed their habits like exercising excessively or sleeping way more, and you’re not sure why?

“Any change in behavior is a signal,” Dr. Deming says. “Even if it seems positive – like suddenly wanting to eat healthier – ask yourself where it’s coming from.”

Start before they’re online

Social media starts shaping kids long before they ever sign up for an account.

“Even how we use our phones impacts them,” Dr. Deming points out. “If we’re constantly checking social media or buying things we saw influencer’s recommending, our kids are learning that this digital world holds power.”

Be mindful of the messages your own habits send and talk about them openly. You might say something like, "Wow. I've been scrolling for a while, and I need a break. I'm going to go stretch or step outside for a bit." That kind of simple self-awareness, spoken out loud, shows your kids what healthy habits look like in real life.

Build routines that protect mental health

Healthy boundaries don’t mean total restriction. But they do give kids something essential: balance.

Here are three helpful habits Dr. Deming encourages families to try:

1. Keep phones away during dinner – And that includes parents.
2. Charge all devices outside the bedroom – Especially overnight. Park all phones in a central spot to charge.
3. Schedule offline time – Whether it’s hiking, walking the dog, or cheering at a sibling’s soccer game, make screen-free moments part of the family rhythm.

And when it comes to setting rules, consistency (and modeling) matters. “If you’re asking your teen not to bring their phone to the table, make sure you’re not sneaking a scroll either,” Dr. Deming says.

Keep the conversation open and judgment free

You can’t control what your child sees on their friends’ phones. But you can control how safe they feel coming to you when something confusing or upsetting comes up.

Dr. Deming’s golden rule? “I tell my daughter I will never get mad at her for asking a question. I want her to feel safe bringing anything to me.”

If your child shares something they saw online, resist the urge to overreact. Praise their honesty, ask questions, and offer to figure things out together, even if you don’t have all the answers right away.

Know when to get extra help

“If you’re worried, talk to your pediatrician,” Dr. Deming recommends. “They can screen for mental health concerns and connect you to therapy if needed.”

You can also explore trusted resources together, like:

• The CDC’s mental health and social media page is full of data, tips, and tools for families.
• CredibleMind, Intermountain Health’s own vetted site, features videos, articles, and mental health tools for teens and adults.
• Reading books like The Anxious Generation together can open the door to real, thoughtful conversations.

The biggest influence? You.

Here’s the part that often gets overlooked: your behavior sets the tone.

“Our kids are watching us,” Dr. Deming says. “If we say ‘no phones in bedrooms’ but break that rule ourselves, it sends a mixed message. But if we say, ‘Wow, I’ve been on my phone for too long. I’m putting it away,’ we’re showing them what mindfulness looks like.”

Want help navigating this with your child?

Intermountain Health is here to support families. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health or just want guidance on setting healthier screen habits, reach out to your child’s pediatrician or call our Primary Children's Behavioral Health Access Line at 801-313-7711 to get connected with local resources, schedule an appointment, or talk through next steps with someone who cares.